official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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