Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
