i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
