Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
