So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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