i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
