Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
