I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
