Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
