Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
