handjob tips. give me some.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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