I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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