And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
