Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
