I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
