my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
