Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
