I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
