those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
