so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
