The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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