Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
