U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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