Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
