Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
