I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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