You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
