Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
