I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
