Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
