I'm drive I can fine osifer
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
