I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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