I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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