im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
