Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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