we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't put those talents on a resume
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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