Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
