Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
