What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
