Apparently you make a good broom.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
