Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
