if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
