OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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