Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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