Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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