Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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