I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
