Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
