Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
