He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
